@zachreinert03: My grandma married 2 men named Grover. I think she just had a thing for the name Grover, because she also married 2 women named Grover
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@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.
@BastardProphet: Me: I am become death. Destroyer of worlds. Her: Will you please just spray the hornets' nest? Me: K.