@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
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@therealeatwood: ME: Would you like a snack? 4: No. As a pure mathematical object, I require no physical sustenance.
@TheCiscoKidder: A billion yahoo accounts got hacked, but the most surprising thing is that a billion people had yahoo accounts.
@generaldietz: Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now? Captain America: Um sure. Spiderman: What should I do? Iron Man: You're in charge of web design.