@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
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@weinerdog4life: one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
@beefman138: Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.