@VirgoSherry: My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is.......if it tastes good spit it out.
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@Heldinchains: Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by.
@juliussharpe: I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit.
@ch000ch: ME: i'm having a lovely time tonight my date: why do u keep yelling "ME" before every sentence