@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
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@darinlovesbacon: My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like "Dude, ask your Mom. I still can't figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn't."
@Sean_Burgundy_: Just for once I wanna be able to say "It wasn't my fault" without 4 people breaking down why it was my fault