@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
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@ericacanrant: A scared look and a "let me go google that" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.
@WheelTod: Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army.
@aPunch2theJunk: I work with a guy named Rick. I'm pretty sure he spells his name with a silent "P."
@TheTweetOfGod: If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.