@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
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@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
@DevilryFun: Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?
@TheQuietPsycho: CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy