@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
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@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@KenJennings: The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
@SaraThomas84: I'm convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB