@brocketxyz: My greatest accomplishment as a father? Teaching my son to scream, "I WANT MOMMY," whenever my wife sends me into his room.
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@SortaBad: I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
@halvewit: I think my neighbor is very sick. I have now seen him putting no less than six of his arms in his garbage over the past year.
@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.