@sixfootcandy: [gym]
Excuse me, can I borrow your towel? This cinnamon roll is really sticky.
@Cheeseboy22: Something I like to do when I'm voting is tell to turn to the person at the stall next to me and whisper, "What did you put for number 3?"
@SSparklesDaily: Cats won't give away your position when someone knocks on the door. They hide with you, like understanding furry ninjas.
@moooooog35: Mechanic: Your car won't pass inspection
Me: Here's $20 to look the other way
Mechanic [looking other way]: Your car won't pass inspection
@: [Changes Siri to male]
ME: Siri, tell me the—
MALE SIRI: Listen, here’s what you need to know.
ME: I…
MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I’m speaking
COMMENTS