@AnniemuMary: My grocery store changed its whole layout. It was better the other way so I'm slowly and quietly moving everything back.
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@Book_Krazy: Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going.
@AlanHungover: *Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*
@Kyle_Lippert: Researchers have found why bears hibernate. "They're sad due to a break up" said one. "It's been a year Brent. Move on. I have" said another
@0point5twins: QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?