@coolandbreezey: My guardian angel deserves a raise
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@lurie_john: January 27th is Mozart's birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old. Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday
@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is walk "Walk. W-A-L-K. Walk" JUDGE: [pulls off mask to reveal he is a dog] I KNEW IT! *glares at owner*