@coolandbreezey: My guardian angel deserves a raise
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@abbycohenwl: Mama Bear: Ok but last time Papa Bear: Thanks, babe [she puts on a Goldilocks wig] Mama Bear (falsetto): I can't sleep here! It's toooo hard
@BuckyIsotope: CRAIGSLIST AD: Wanted - chicken nugget shaped like Rafael. Have 2 Leonardo's, willing to trade. Serious offers only. No Michaelangelo's.
@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.