@ToxicProbably: My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
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@DanMentos: [first date that up until now is going extremely well] date: it’s nice to finally meet a normal guy me: my dog’s name is jeff
@JoParkerBear: America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and half is spent trying to lose weight, and half is spent on education.
@nealbrennan: I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him.