@ToxicProbably: My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
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@Tmoney68: Led Zeppelin's "In My Time Of Dying" is my favorite song about a man with a touch of a cold.
@hipchkk: You know how moray eels can't let go when they bite, and both sets of jaws must be pried off even after they're dead? Don't touch my fries.
@AdamOfEarth: "That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-" "Neil! Stop." "I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"
@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app