@realHamOnWry: My hamster, Max, was involved in a terrible accident. He must have fallen asleep at the wheel.
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@Cryborg2000: [calling my cousin while babysitting his kids] yo the one with the ski mask and the knife is refusing to go to bed
@wittwitbarista: Lose something? Need help? Call 1-800-MOM & a team of moms will be deployed to you to ask you "Well, did you look?"Or "did you look-look?"