@CoreyNotKori: My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.
@pstamato: "What if something fell off your glass every time you picked it up? That'd be great." - The inventor of coasters