@charliedelta7: My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
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@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute
@mommy_cusses: *Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It's okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.
@Ilovelamp1979: One of the worst things about tweeting while driving is all of the people that seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk.