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@ndiquote: My heart say "Yes"
But my mom says "No"
@PajamaStew: If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating "Little did they know..." over and over and over.
@BasicLyes: People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta.
@Tommytoughstuff: [job interview]
"So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"
"I'm pretty bad at reading situations." *tries to kiss interviewer*
@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@causticbob: Illegal immigration is not a new problem. Native Americans used to call it "White People"