@RoyalThough: My heart says food, food and more food...but my jeans say, for the love of God, eat salad😪
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@SomthinBoutSara: I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back
@JimmerThatisAll: If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.
@dafloydsta: Me: You'll always be my girl. Daughter: Even if I break stuff? Me: Depends on which stuff.