@rz0ndy: My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with "stories".
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@biatchppplease: My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
@AnkCoupleTO: *first date* Me: Tell me more about you Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!
@weinerdog4life: Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat
@GianDoh: Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, "What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"