@DrRocktopoid: My high-school wrestling coach called me "the little raccoon" 'cause I was small but feisty and ate garbage and carried Lyme disease.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Don't spit at your sister! 4: I'm a bunny. Me: Bunnies don't spit. 4: I'm an acid-spitting bunny.
@TravLeBlanc: "What would Jesus do?" is an unfair question. He had superpowers. Your lifeboat is sinking. WWJD? Well, he'd get out and walk to shore. See?
@_ElvishPresley_: I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I'm a fan.
@chuuew: BOSS: Can I see you in my office? INVISIBLE-MAN: [sigh] I don't know how many more ways I can explain this to you