@liberalcannon: My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things.
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@BiIIMurray: I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
@iwearaonesie: HR: Did you eat all the mints that were in my jar? me: No [some mints fall out of my mouth] HR: me: Yes [more mints fall out of my mouth]
@legendofchelda: Having a crush is weird bc one minute you're a normal person and then out of nowhere you're like damn I wanna bake that boy a pie
@samalmightysam: Some people are like water balloons; they're more fun when you throw them out the window.