@AimByWhiskey: My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher.
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@InternetHippo: cute girl: hello my mouth: hel— brain: nice job buddy you’re almost there mouth: —vetica brain: what the hell
@carlyken: "It's raining men. Hallelujah." -The lesser known 11th plague that God sent to the Egyptians
@sixthformpoet: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. There's nothing more endearing than happy people applauding themselves.