@AimByWhiskey: My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher.
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@stuckinaportal: *walks in on son making batman & iron man action figures kiss* wtf? "dad i can explain" u should never EVER mix the dc & marvel universes
@sammyrhodes: Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, "Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.
@lucidchemistry: 10 likes this girl so I'm going to teach him everything I know about women long story short we're getting our bikes to ride around her house