@DanMentos: "My homework ate my dog" -student in python breeding class
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@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.
@Aspersioncast: Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?
@iwearaonesie: wife *comes running out of the bedroom* Kill it! Kill it! me *runs in* wife: Did you get it!? me [has no idea wtf she's talking about] Yep