@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."
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@ShutUpThatsWho: COWORKER: how old is our boss? ME: cut him in half & count the rings CW: doesn't that only work on trees? ME: *over chainsaw noises* HE'S 38
@primawesome: Tommy Lee Jones always looks like his son just told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"