@Just_Lee_: My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mindless4Miles: *stays up all night watching true crime murder mysteries on tv* *can't come up with a good alibi why I'm late for work*
@cheeky__gal: A poltergeist was moving furniture around the house, and I really love what he's done with the place.
@One_FineMess: 4yo: What happened to the fish? Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.
@QwertyJones3: [speed dating] HER: I'm a real planner. I like people who plan ahead. ME: *trying to impress her* I'm already wearing a condom