@Just_Lee_: My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited
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@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
@curlycomedy: I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, "We're all so very, very rich."
@OmarImranTweets: "Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* "Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop" ISIS:"ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"
@seandunn76: Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*