@heatherlou_: My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home.
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@BryMastas: When you're pushing 40, the real life challenge is to find the pic angle where you don't look like Jabba the Hut.
@dumbbeezie: When someone tells you that you can't do something, ignore them. That's how people trick you into doing things
@3sunzzz: [searching for a new church] Me: *calls* Yes, does your church offer complimentary WiFi, red wine and light appetizers? Church: *click*
@joeljeffrey: I saw an attractive woman spank her kid in McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground, so I also threw mine on the ground.