@Faceyspace: My house is really small until I can't find my phone.
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@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@pleatedjeans: Fun way to prank Jesus is to invite him snorkeling haha he'd be stuck on top walking on the water while ur underneath having all the fun
@david8hughes: [me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason.