@Faceyspace: My house is really small until I can't find my phone.
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@iwearpajamas: My girlfriend talks to her dog like it's going to talk back. Kind of like when Christians talk to God.
@MariyaAlexander: Potato chips bragging about having less fat - I don't think you understand people who eat you.
@jerm1991: Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation