@JennyPentland: My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
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@LostFelicia: Him: How many pairs of shoes do you have? Me: 12 Him: That includes flip-flops, boots, and the ones you never wear. Me: 118
@david8hughes: [Joseph & Mary answers door to god] "Mary, you're looking well." [Joseph puts arm around Mary & raises an eyebrow] "Jesus, your dad's here."
@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(
@iwearaonesie: *makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*