@3sunzzz: My husband and I are having a Fitbit competition, so every day when he leaves for work I attach mine to our dog. I'm averaging 25,438 steps a day.
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@SamTR7: *Superman put glasses on Mt. Rushmore faces* Lois Lane: "What the heck?? Who are those people up there?"
@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.
@SamGrittner: *opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* "Wait. Then that means-" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father