@dirtydishtowels: My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad.
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@Tuna_Lover: I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's.
@mikefossey: BuzzFeed writer (innocently): hey friends. as a friendly activity, tell me your funny anecdotes. coincidentally I have an article due soon
@Lord_Voldemort7: Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you'll never know which side he's on.
@rickygervais: Troll: Horrible thing. Me: Horrible thing back. Troll: I was just giving my honest opinion. Me: Me too. Troll: But...