@dirtydishtowels: My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad.
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@Monicann86: I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it
@KyleMcDowell86: *hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N.
@Marlebean: Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Truth or dare I: M: I:.. Dare M: I dare you to give me this job I:(under breath) Damn she's good
@tastefactory: JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses? HE-MAN: Well, I- *job interviewer's fake mustache falls off and it's Skeletor*