@dirtydishtowels: My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad.
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@INandONyourMIND: I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed
@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
@Adar79Angie: "You can't build your own man." They told me. But they underestimate my low standards. And my shopping cart full of luncheon meats.
@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"