@jackiembouvier: My husband and I have reached the age that neither of us will get up to investigate even the strangest of noises.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DannyZuker: If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
@AbbieEvansXO: Angel: hey God the humans are doing another sacrifice for you God: [sitting in a sea of goats] it's not another goat is it
@lafpgh: Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can’t go, I’m allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said.
@JaneBadall: I've set my hair on fire lighting a cigarette before, so I'm always impressed when the movie-hero walks away from an explosion unharmed.