@3sunzzz: My husband and I make a good team. I'm about to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he's taking the batteries out of the smoke detectors.
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@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it." Guys named Geoff.
@HeyZeus666: I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down.