@thedailymarker: My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share.
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@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@mrtruthandsoul: "Now officer, hear me out: alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a stimulant. Therefore, mixed in equal parts, I'm basically sober!"