@Parkerlawyer: My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
@Gooooats: It turns out no one likes "the real me" and they have asked the priest to reverse my exorcism.
@Pierre__4: If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve