@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.
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@jackmackenroth: I'm taking my mother-in-law to the new Resident Evil movie because she's staying with me and I love subliminal messages.
@realHamOnWry: Probably the worst thing about getting taken down by a pack of Hyenas would be hearing them giggle while they eat you.
@murrman5: [parent/teacher meeting] "you must've read to him as a baby" *leans forward in little desk* lady, I didn't even know him when I was a baby