@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.
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@liv_thatsme: We desperately need something to unite humanity. No, not love or compassion. I'm talking about a full scale alien attack.
@StoferComic: My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song "Get Off the Stage or Die." Elvis, maybe?