@the_mom_dot_com: My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg.
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@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.
@MeetingBoy: I've counted 8 people so far whose New Years resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?
@PhuckinCody: [i walk into the Popes room as he's napping] hey can i - stop screaming, ur gonna have a heart attack- can i borrow your hat for a snapchat?