@HousewifeOfHell: My husband isn't drinking while he trains for a marathon. There's all this pressure on me to be supportive, so, reluctantly, I'm now drinking for both of us.
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@sucittaM: Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.
@RapeyRaperton: People that still call into radio stations are probably doing it from house phones.
@dave_cactus: [I open my lunchbox to find a copy of the Magna Carta] But that means... [cut to British Library patrons thoughtfully examining a Capri Sun]