@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
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@H0TMessBarbie: I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty.
@crushingbort: *crowd in 1889 screaming because I appeared out of thin air and shot a baby* that was Baby Hitler...everyone calm down that was Baby Hitler
@NakedWhiteAss: Hey guys, which cell phone provider drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.
@donni: Worst Excuses For Being Late 5) Too many dragons 4) Out of dragons 3) I'm not late, Steve is 2) Time is fake 1) Made a list of excuses