@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
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@iwearaonesie: *smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one
@BruceForce: My gangsta career was brought to an abrupt and tragic end when my homies caught me sipping on a frappucino doing my taxes
@AbbyHasIssues: I just typed "cupkale" instead of "cupcake" and accidentally invented what has to be the worst dessert idea ever.