@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
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@DadandBuried: "Try it, it's so good!" "Come on, man. Just a taste." "I'm having some. Mmmm." "Trust me." Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer.
@TheAlexNevil: *first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?
@curlycomedy: How can you teach your child about adversity if you don't leave a diaper unchanged once in a while?
@carlyken: [The Twitter Breakdown of 2015] Angry mobs storm the streets, forcing clever wordplay down the throats of unsuspecting, innocent bystanders