@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
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@EndhooS: Doctor: Are you allergic to anything? Me: Cats Doctor: Anything else? Me: Grease Doctor: is that everything? Me: Most musicals to be honest.
@animadvertguy: WIFE: really? ME: uh? WIFE: 20 mins and you haven't noticed? ME: oh! hair looks nice, hun WIFE: [crossing her 1 arm] I had my surgery today.
@crabgirl_: *Date with a boy I dated when we went to kindergarden* *puts two big bowls of worms and mudwater on the table* Him-YUCK!!! Me-You've changed
@KrangTNelson: stop saying “newspaper editors are only interested in content that causes a lot of uproar” when we all know that newspaper editors are only interested in pictures of spiderman