@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
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@TheRealRHB: As my friend Joe's last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe
@cluedont: Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?
@briangaar: "Hey buddy, what's up?!!" -- short honk "I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE" -- long honk
@eyeswidebutt: [on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'