@Swishergirl24: My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.
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@HatfieldAnne: “His and hers” gifts are the thoughtful choice for any wedding. The division of property goes so much more smoothly.
@Reverend_Scott: [blind date] (don't let her know ur a dog walker) "So what do u do?" Well, I'm like a- [13 dogs jump up on the table and eat her dinner]
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *reclines* Nice Wife: I still can't believe you bought a used gynecological exam table Me: I can see the tv perfectly between my legs
@markydoodoo: I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.