@HousewifeOfHell: My husband ran 13 miles this morning for fun. I had cookies for breakfast. It's nice to be the sane one for a change.
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@HomeWithPeanut: (Watching "Dateline" before kids) "Why the hell would he fake his own death?" (Watching "Dateline" after kids) *Takes notes*
@ManvAlcohol: I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color.
@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Honey, you may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but you are adorable Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ...when did we get a shed?