@khook32: My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife's name just so he could sleep on it.
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@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.
@Brianhopecomedy: I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
@AudreyPorne: spin the bottle, except you have to murder the person it lands on her: this is a baby shower
@TheWoodenslurpy: I thought I saw Jesus in a cookie. But I was wrong. It was just a guy who looked like him.