@khook32: My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife's name just so he could sleep on it.
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@okimstillhungry: Me:*typing furiously* I've bypassed the firewall and I'm hacking into the mainframe now Arby's customer: So is my order placed or not Me: No
@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@ehchino: [first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous "That's okay" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*
@panmidwest: Theresa nothing worse about a breakup than your ex's name autocompleting whenever you type a word that starts with Theresa same letters