@toujours_fab: My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response.
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@kittykaresless: Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired
@JohnLyonTweets: I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon.
@mochanya: People r afraid of boogers. I bet u could rob a bank with a booger! Folks in the bank would back up! Police would be puzzled tho: A Bogger?!