@caribdonna: My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right.
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@zoevsuniverse: 4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again."
@woodmuffin: "For my next illusion" the magician announces: "Free will!" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why
@ShortSleeveSuit: Him: Is that a horse drawn carriage? Her: I can't quite tell Horse: *sobbing* Well you try holding a pencil with your hooves
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I played this as a kid. It's from back when video games made sense 6-year-old: Why did you jump on a turtle? Me: Because I'm a plumber