@caribdonna: My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right.
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@jonnysun: [god creatig god] GOD: make him omnipotent & onmipresent ANGEL: ok… GOD: and also provide no evidence he exists ANGEL: ru sure GOD: trust me
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.
@LMLMadness: Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
@aka_fatman: Let's play the Rihanna drinking game! We'll drink a shot of vodka every time she says 'work'. [2 minutes later] *house is on fire*