@Sassmouth14: My husband still waves to policemen like a 5 year old.
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@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
@IfTonyTweeted: If the hackers that stole all those Yahoo passwords could tell me what mine is I’d appreciate it. I’ve been locked out for about 4 years now
@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now