@3sunzzz: My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.
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@EdwindelaRenta: me: i'm really glad we met, i feel like I can completely be myself around u. u had me at hello kidnapper: pls stop talking
@TylerLinkin: 1. Rent storage unit 2. Procure 3 bodies at morgue 3. Place bodies in storage unit 4. Stop making payments 5. Wait. Best Storage Wars Ever
@Tryptofantastic: People at work: you’re hilarious,man Family: you’re really funny Friends: you’re the funniest guy we know Twitter: you’re occasionally witty, but don’t quit your day job Wife: you’re an idiot. that’s not funny.