@turtledumplin: My husband's safe word is 'CRAMP!'
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@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.
@wickedsuga: Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie.
@MarlonBrandNO: [Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* "Please send help!" *Gets message back, months later* "Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"
@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.