@dreamsinchocola: My husbands signature move is running to town "real quick" and coming home 5 hours later.
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@notshivi: The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."
@ShortSleeveSuit: Her: You’re always teaching the kids how to use things improperly! Me [flattens out a piece of lettuce, takes my writing ham out of the tackle box]: Go on...
@Epygma: *i get chased into a dark alley* Please no *two men walk up to me holding a knife* "If you join our insurance you can save up to-" NOOOOOOO