@Tmoney68: My idea to call our weekend bicycling group the "Pedalphiles" was not well-received AT ALL.
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@TheDailySchmuck: Every time I'm the only black person at a party I think: "Wow. I helped them make quota."
@NightValeRadio: Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask.
@Brianhopecomedy: *wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* "You didn't notice my new-" "NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES." "Dress."