@shutupmikeginn: my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy
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@undisturbedsoul: What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates : 1. Nice shirt 2. Wow, a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
@weinerdog4life: When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt
@ThisOneSayz: The Revenant bear attack scene only it's me trying to get out of volunteering at my kid's school.