@jilleb163: My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations from people who don't read well.
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@tastefactory: [at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait.
@CatherineLMK: I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
@TheRolo: Wife: I think we need a break. *Titanic crashes into iceberg* Husband: THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? Wife: Yes.