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@Marlebean: My in-laws are visiting...
This is their homicide note.
@thenatewolf: J.R.R. Tolkien invented an entire language for the elves but where the hobbits live is called Hobbiton.
@MartaEffing: I'm sorry I broke your finger, but seriously, what did you expect would happen when you tried to eat the last two fries off my plate?
@StinkyGr33n: I don't mean to brag, but I'm extremely talented with my lips and tongue.
*Whistles The Andy Griffith Show theme song flawlessly*
@ItsJennaMarbles: Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'.
@robdelaney: I'm literally typing this from atop a giraffe in Ghana. Her name is Coriander & we love each other.