@realHamOnWry: My inner child just threatened to call Social Services if I don't eat ice cream for supper tonight.
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@fro_vo: Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok
@Jake_Vig: Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
@notalogin: *stops by new neighbor* Welcome, I brought you a cake! -Wow, thank you! You know, you didn't have to do that! Oh, ok. *walks away with cake*
@djdarrellripley: Him: How does my football throw look to you? Me: Like you're good at science...