@JermHimselfish: My insomnia has it's own toothbrush in my bathroom.
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@SnizzleFrizzle: My kids are 23 and 13 and they still argue about who is my favorite. Warms my heart. Too bad it's neither of them.
@ramblinma: Husband: "How do the kids keep getting sick?" Me: [picturing all the things the toddler licked last week] "No idea."
@JeremyBRoberts: Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, "Who?"