@JermHimselfish: My insomnia has it's own toothbrush in my bathroom.
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@DamienFahey: "This is NPR." Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo.
@Vodkantots: My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me.
@KeetPotato: cop: "you kinda look like one that's all" me: "in no way am i a pirate" cop: "hmm, are you sure?" parrot on my shoulder: "did he stutter?"