@JermHimselfish: My insomnia has it's own toothbrush in my bathroom.
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@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
@Chumpstring: [hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it
@EndhooS: Kid 1: Why'd you call me Aphrodite? "After the Greek goddess of love" Kid 2: What about me pop? "You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"