@Only_Fast_Eddie: My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
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@KeetPotato: [tortoise arguing with his gf] "FINE IM LEAVING" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? "THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"
@pbear79: I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said... "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."
@FrenulumBreve: BOSS: I'm sorry I just don't trust your judgment. ME: [trying to pick up glass of water with both fists wedged in Pringles tubes] explain..